We Are Underlings
by candycat85
Summary: AU. Hazel is glad to start at a new school where no one knows about her battle with cancer four years ago. There, she meets former basketball star Augustus, who is looking for a greater purpose in life. Hazel/Augustus.
1. The Poster

"Hazel, happy birthday!" my mother said, shaking me awake.

"Do I get to stay out of school for a present?" I ask, not opening my eyes.

"Very funny." my mom said. "I thought you were excited about a new school."

"I'd be more excited about no school." I said.

"Get dressed." she said seriously.

"I am..." I said, sitting up.

I waited until she left the room to flop back on my bed. I would be starting my junior year at a new school today, on my birthday. I would have been a senior, but I missed a lot of school in seventh grade, and I had to repeat. I didn't chose to skip or anything, I had cancer. Not that anyone needs to know that here.

That was the best part about a new school. No one knew me as "the girl who had cancer", so I wouldn't get any looks of pity. No matter how many times I explained my remission, people still treated my like I was fragile. I'm glad I won't have to see those pouting pity faces anymore.

I got off my bed and got dressed. I wore jeans, converse, and a shirt that said "_Ceci n'est pas une pipe._"

"I'll never understand that shirt..." my mom said as I sat at the kitchen table and ate my cereal.

"Do you need a ride?" my dad asked me.

"Yea." I said.

I grabbed my bag and got in the car. My thyroid cancer had damaged my lungs, so walking long distances or doing vigorous exercise was out of the question. Mine wasn't as bad as some kids though, some had to carry oxygen tanks for the rest of their lives. I just had to have an inhaler in my backpack for emergencies.

We pulled into the parking lot of my new school.

"Here Hazel..." my dad handed me a twenty. "Just incase."

"Thanks." I said as I got out.

"I love you." he said.

"Love you too..." I said.

I walked to the office and told the administrators that I was new.

"Oh, you're Hazel." she said. "Here's your schedule..."

"Thanks..." I said.

"Do you need someone to show you to your classes?" she asked.

"Um, okay..." I said.

I ended up being walked to class by a girl named Monica. She talked the whole way and didn't ask me about myself. I was kind of glad, I didn't wanna talk about myself anyways.

"Here's your first class, it's phycology." she said. "My boyfriend is in this class."

"Oh." I said because I didn't know how to respond to that.

"Well, I have to go to my class," she said,. "Bye..."

I waited until she was gone before I dug my inhaler out of my bag and took a deep breath. I put it back and walked into the classroom. The teacher looked up.

"Hello, can I help you?" he said.

"I'm new?" I said. It ended up sounding like a question in the end.

"Oh, you must be Hazel." he said. "My name is Mr. North, but you can call me Patrick."

"Um..okay." I said.

"We all go by first names here." said Patrick. "Have a seat next to Kaitlyn."

I sat next to the girl I assumed was Kaitlyn. Patrick continued to write on the board and I got out a notebook and copied everything down.

"I'm Kaitlyn." said Kaitlyn.

"I'm Hazel." I said.

"Have you ever wanted to be a cheerleader?" she asked me.

"Excuse me?" I asked, taken aback.

"I'm trying to get more girls on the squad." she explained. "We have tryouts today, do you wanna come?"

"I can't cheer." I said. That much exercise wouldn't be good for my lungs.

"Well...you can come anyways and help make banners if you want." she said.

"Um.." I said. I had no idea how I got into this, or how to get out.

"I can tell you're artsy, because your shirt has french on it." she said.

I spent the rest of class taking notes and not talking. After class, I didn't bother waiting for Monica. I figured I'd find my own way to my next class. I walked for a while until I felt lost. Maybe I should have waited.

I stood outside two double doors and I dug around more my inhaler. I used it and then put it back. The doors opened and a couple of guys walked out of the gym. One of them I recognized from Patrick's class, the other one I didn't know. The one I didn't know stared at me for a minute, smiled, and then walked away. I felt my face heat up.

"You came!" said a voice. Kaitlyn was peeking out from the gym doors. "Just in time to help with the banners."

"Actually, I'm supposed to be in history class." I told her.

"The history teacher helps sponsor the cheer squad," she said. "He won't care if you miss one class to help us."

She pulled me inside the gym. Several poster boards and cans of paint sat on the gym floor. She motioned for me to sit with her by a blank one.

"We need a slogan that's catchy..." she said, looking down at the poster.

"How about...Wolves are the weirdest!" laughed a voice.

I looked up to see the boy from my psychology class. He was looking down at us.

"You're the weirdest, Isaac!" said Kaitlyn. He just laughed. "If you wanna help, then take a seat."

"Nah, I'm just gonna shoot hoops with Gus." he said.

"Maybe Augustus will help us." she said. "Will you?" she asked.

I looked up to see another boy who had just walked in. He was the same boy who had stared at me. Our eyes locked and I found it hard to look away.

"I can't draw." said Augustus.

"Well, then help us think of a slogan." she said.

Just then, a group of girl entered the gym.

"Oh, the squad's here," said Kaitlyn. "I have to go do tryouts."

"Have fun." I said, getting up.

"Hey, you and Augustus can finish the posters, right?" she asked me.

"Um..okay." I found myself agreeing. It beats going to class.

Augustus sat down next to me. Isaac went to go shoot hoops. I watched him and noticed he wasn't very good. He kept missing.

"Isaac doesn't suck." Augustus told me.

"What?" I asked.

"He doesn't suck at shooting hoops, he just doesn't have good depth perception." he said.

"Oh." I said.

"Yea, he's got a glass eye." he said.

"Um..okay." I said. I didn't really know how to respond.

"What's your name." he asked.

"Hazel. " I said.

"No, your full name." he said.

"Hazel Grace Lancaster..." I said.

He didn't stop looking at me. I noticed his eyes were very blue.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" I asked.

"Cuz you're beautiful." he said.

That really caught me off guard. I was definitely not beautiful. I had a boys haircut, and chubby cheeks.

"Um..okay.." I said. I quickly bent over the poster and began to sketch a wolf.

"Why do you keep saying that?" he asked me.

"Saying what?" I asked.

"Okay." he said.

"I just say it when I don't know what to say..." I said.

"Hm...Okay." he said, shrugging. I could help but laugh.

We finished the poster and settled on "Go Wolves!" for the slogan. It wasn't very creative, but it would have to do. Augustus went to shoot hoops with Isaac, and Kaitlyn finished tryouts. We sat on the bleachers and watched Augustus and Isaac shoot hoops.

"Do you think he is cute?" Kaitlyn asked.

"Who?" I asked.

"Augustus." she said as if it was obvious.

"Sure." I said.

"He's a major hottie." she said. "But he won't give any girl so much as the time of day."

"Why not?" I asked. He certainly wasn't acting that way with me.

"Because he's totally hung up on his ex, Caroline." she said.

"Oh." I said. I found myself growing sad at this news, though I wasn't sure why.

"But I'd sure like to ride that one legged pony around the corral..." she said.

"He only has one leg?" I asked, ignoring her inappropriate comment.

"Yea, he lost one leg...I think in a car crash...I don't know the whole story, I've never asked..." she said. "I have to go to class, see ya." she said, before she left.

I sat at the bleachers until Monica showed up. She ran up to Isaac and they started making out.

"Gross, right?" Augustus asked me, as he sat next to me.

"Yea..." I said.

I watched him reach into his pocket and pull out a cigarette. he put it in his mouth but didn't light it, probably because we were on school grounds. I was glad, I didn't wanna breathe smoke.

"So, Hazel Grace...do you wanna hang out?" he asked.

"When?" I asked.

"After school," he replied, the cigarette dangling from his mouth. "A bunch of us are gonna hang out at my place and watch a movie."

I could either go with Augustus and try to make friends, or go home and eat cake with my parents.

"Hm...okay." I said.

"Okay..." he said, smiling.

And that's how it all began.


	2. The Book

After school, I dug through my bag and pulled out my phone. I called my mom. She picked up on the second ring.

"Hazel? What's wrong?" she asked urgently.

"Nothing." I said. "I was just wondering if I can go to a friend's house after school."

"You've made a friend already?" mom asked. "Who?"

"...His name is Augustus." I said warily. I didn't want mom to get the wrong idea because it was a guy's name.

"Oh, okay." mom said. "But be home before six."

I hung up and walked to the parking lot. I paced my steps carefully so I wouldn't have to use my inhaler. Augustus fell into step beside me. I noticed that he walked with a limp. I decided not to ask about his leg,a s he probably didn't want to talk about it.

"So, Hazel Grace...good first day?" he asked.

"It was...okay." I said. He laughed.

We walked up to Augustus's car and I saw Isaac and Monica standing beside a green car in the next space. They were kissing as if no one could see them.

"Always." said Isaac.

"Always." agreed Monica.

"Will the happy couple be joining us at my place?" Augustus asked them.

"We'll catch up..." Isaac said.

"I'll save your seat." Augustus said playfully.

"Right next to you, of course?" Isaac asked.

"Nah, that one's for Hazel Grace this time!" said Augustus.

He walked around to my side and opened the car door for me. I got in and put my back back in the floor. He got in the driver's seat and cranked up.

"I must warn you, buckle up." he said. I did.

"Lousy driver?" I asked him.

"Something like that..." he said.

He wasn't kidding. He hit the gas and the brake so hard I lurched back and forth the whole way.

"You know who you remind me of?" he asked as he slammed on brakes for a stop sign.

"Who?" I asked.

"Natalie Portman." he said.

"Princess Padme?" I asked.

"Nah, I mean in V for Vendetta." he said.

"Never seen it." I said.

"What?" he asked, slamming the gas pedal. "You've never seen it?"

"No..." I said.

"Well, then we're gonna watch it." he said.

We pulled up in Augustus's driveway and I got out. We walked inside and I met his parents.

"Hello, I'm Mr. Waters." his dad greeted me.

"This is Hazel Grace." said Augustus.

"Just Hazel." I said quickly.

"Nice to meet you, just Hazel." he said.

"We're gonna go watch V for Vendetta." said Augustus.

He went to the shelf and found the movie.

"Your mother wouldn't want you in the basement alone." said Mr. Waters.

"Where is mom?" Augustus asked.

"Out." he said.

"Oh...well do you care if we go in the basement?" Augustus asked.

"Hm.." he seemed to give it some thought.

Augustus didn't wait for an answer. He grabbed my hand and we descended the basement stairs. I walked slowly, putting both feet on each step. As Augustus plugged in the dvd player, I looked around his room. Along the top of the entertainment unit sat several basketball trophies.

"You're really good." I said.

"Well, I would be better if I still played." he said.

"Why'd you stop?" I asked, regretting it a second later. He probably stopped when he lost his leg in the accident. That's probably the last thing he wants to remember.

"You know those toys that toddlers have...with the different shaped holes?" he asked.

"Yea." I said, slightly confused.

"I was shooting free throws after practice one day...and it just occured to me how what I was doing..was so much like just a grown up version of that kids toy." he said.

"So you quit? Just like that?" I asked.

"Yep." he said. "Ya' see, I wanna be remembered for something great."

I nodded as if I understood. I didn't. For one, could you be remembered for being a great player? For another, why would you want to be a big impact? I guess...for someone without cancer, it's easy to say you wanna be famous. But not for me. I tread lightly on this earth to minimize the damage it will make when I die. I'm not morbid, not really. I mean, I know I'm in remission, but it could always come back.

"Is that okay?" he asked.

"What?" I asked, snapping back to attention.

"I said is sitting on the bed okay?" he asked.

"Okay." I said. "But what about Isaac and Monica?"

"They've seen this movie before, besides they never show up till later." he said.

As we watched the movie, I tried to see the resemblance between me and Natalie Portman. I couldn't see it. Then I started thinking about what Kaitlyn said. She said that she and a lot of other girls like Augustus, but he was too hung up on his ex to notice them. If that was the case, why was he paying so much special attention to me?

I noticed there was a book under the blanket by where I was sitting. I pulled it out.

"What's..." I paused to read the title. "The Price of Dawn?"

"Oh man..." Augustus said excitedly. "That's only my favorite book ever."

"Really?" I asked, flipping it and reading the back.

"Yea, it's the novelization of my favorite video game." he said. "Ever heard of it?"

"I don't really play video games." I said.

"Well you should definitely read that book." he said

To be honest, the only thing I've read in the last year was An Imperial Affliction. That's my favorite book. It's all about this girl named Anna who has cancer, but that's not why I like it.

"I will." I said.

"You'll read it?" he asked excitedly.

"Yea." I said. "I'm up for a good book."

"I'll return the favor." he said, running a hand through his dark hair. "I'll read something on your recommendation."

It's weird to hear that. I haven't met that many guys who are willing to admit that they enjoy reading books, let alone ones that'll take a recommendation from a girl.

"What's your favorite book?" Augustus asked me.

"...An Imperial Affliction." I said.

It felt weird to tell someone else about AIA. I felt almost like it was mine, a great secret treasure, and that it was wrong to tell others about it. The thing about AIA is that it ends right in the middle of a sentence. It's crushing, really. Did I want to put Augustus through that?

"I'll read it." he said.

"Great." I said.

I was actually feeling excited about having someone else read it. Maybe he was tough enough to take it. He seemed enthusiastic, like someone who really would appreciate AIA.

The movie ended and Augustus turned off the tv. He checked his bedside table clock for the time. It was 5:45.

"Where's Isaac and Monica?" I asked.

"Dunno." he said. "They're never this late."

"I have to be home by six." I said.

"Alright, I'll leave a voicemail for Isaac." he said.

I let him go up the stairs before me so I could go as slow as I wanted. I made it to the top and breathed carefully. My lungs felt jumpy inside me, but they soon calmed.

The drive home was just as crazy. He slammed on brakes and sent my flying forwards, and then on the gas so I fell back. He must have noticed my expression because he started apologizing.

"I know I suck at driving, I'm sorry it's my damn leg." he said.

"It's okay, really." I said.

We pulled up my driveway and I stepped out of the car.

"I can go get that book for you." I said.

"Okay." he said.

As I walked in the house, I noticed he was walking in behind me. That means he'd see me wheezing from climbing the stairs to my room. I had to be discreet with my inhaler. Inside, my mom greeted me with a hug.

"Hey, my birthday girl...how was school?" she asked.

"Fine." I said.

"It's your birthday today?" asked Augustus.

"Um..yes." I said. "I'll be right back."

It was a dumb decision, but I raced up the stairs fairly quickly. When I got to the top, I was breathing heavily. I went into my room and grabbed AIA off the shelf. I ran back down the stairs. By then, I was wheezing deeply. I reached into my pocket for my inhaler and gasped. It was in my bag, which was in Augustus's car.

I didn't want Augustus to see me this way. I cut through the kitchen and ran out the back door. I went around the house to the driveway and tried to open the car door. It was locked. Panic rose in my chest.

I turned and ran inside. Mom and Augustus looked up when they saw me come in.

"Hazel? I thought you went upstairs." mom said.

"Need..my inhaler..." I said. I felt dizzy so I quickly clung to his arm. "...Locked in your car."

"Oh, crap." he dug out his keys and ran outside. I followed him.

He unlocked the door and I opened it and grabbed my bag. I unzipped it and pulled out my inhaler. I took a long puff on it. I slowly slid down and sat on the driveway with my back resting against the car. Augustus crouched next to me. Mom watched us from the doorway.

"You okay, Hazel Grace?" he asked.

"Yes." said. "...asthma." I whispered.

I felt bad about lying to him, but not as bad as I would have felt had I told the truth. I got that pity look enough from people. I didn't need it from him too. I stood up and put my inhaler in my pocket and grabbed my backpack out of his car.

"Here." I said handing him the book.

"And yours..." he handed me 'The Price of Dawn.'

I turned to walk inside.

"When can we hang out again?" he asked. I turned to him.

"I'll text you when I finish the book." I said.

"You don't have my number." he said.

"I suspect you wrote it in the book." I said.

"Oh, Hazel Grace..." he said with a laugh."How well you know me..."


	3. The Egging

I stayed up late reading the book Augustus gave me. It was this really weird sci-fi about a guy named Max Mayhem. I read late into the night, so much so that I was groggy the next day. I took all my notes in class before reading.

During my free period, I walked down the halls, reading. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going, causing me to bump into someone. I looked up to see Kaitlyn.

"Hey Hazel." she said.

"Hey, sorry I bumped into you." I said.

"It's alright. I'm just on my way to the gym to practice with the squad...you wanna come?" she asked.

"Why?" I asked.

"Because Augustus usually hangs out in the gym too." she said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

"Hazel, everyone knows you left school with him yesterday." she said.

"Yea, but that wasn't...I mean..it didn't mean anything." I tried to explain.

"Whatever, come on!" Kaitlyn grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the gym.

If it didn't mean anything, then why did I feel this big rush of emotions when I saw Augustus sitting on the bleachers reading. I went over and sat next to him. He didn't look up.

"Okay, Augustus?" I asked.

"Hazel Grace!" he said, looking up. "I gotta know, is the Dutch Tulip Man a con guy, or what?"

I giggled and shook my head.

"Keep reading..." I said.

"Ya' know, this guy's name is really familiar." he said, pointing to the author's name on the cover.

"Peter Van Houten?" I asked. "I doubt it. He's a total recluse. He hasn't written anything since AIA and he's hiding out in Amsterdam somewhere."

"Hm..." he said, looking intently at the front cover.

"So, where's Isaac?" I asked.

He sat back and looked at me.

"I have no idea." he said.

"Yea...he wasn't in class either." I said.

"So, you wanna hang out again?" he asked nonchalantly.

He pulled a cigarette out of his pocket and put it in his mouth.

"Um..Okay." I said, blushing slightly.

"Okay." he said.

"Okay." I said again.

"Hey, maybe okay can be our always." he said.

"What did they mean by 'always'?" I asked.

"It means they'll always love each other, or whatever." he said.

"Oh." I said.

After school, I texted my mom that I was gonna hang out with Augustus again. She told me to remember my inhaler. I got into Augustus's car and watched Monica's car in the space next to us. She was sitting in it alone, no Isaac around.

"Let's get this show on the road then..." Augustus said, cranking the car.

I braced myself against the dashboard as we sped out of the parking lot.

At Augustus's house, we straight down into the basement. We sat on the bed and flipped through the tv channels, though we weren't really watching...just talking.

"So, Hazel Grace...where're you from?" he asked.

"Indiana." I said. "I mean, I didn't move here...I was just homeschooled for a few years."

I hope he didn't think anything of that. Parents usually pulled their kids out of school if they expected them to bite it, then again, lots of kids are homeschooled.

"Yea, I was homeschooled for a while too...I only transferred last year." he said.

"Oh." I said surprised.

Augustus's phone rang and he answered it.

"Dude?" he said. "Yea..yea..just Hazel Grace..alright." he hung up.

"Who was that?" I asked.

"Isaac." he said. "He wanted to know who was here."

Isaac showed up a few minutes later. He walked down the stairs and stood at the bottom. He stood in the room and didn't look at us.

"Dude?" Augustus tried to get his attention.

"Monica dumped me last night." Isaac said.

"Aw man..." Augustus said.

"I just can't believe it!" Isaac said. "We said we'd always love each other...did that mean not mean shit to her?"

"Are you angry?" Augustus asked, standing up. "Do you need to break something!?"

He grabbed a trophy from the shelf and handed it to Isaac. Isaac smashed it on the floor and it broke. Augustus handed trophy after trophy to Isaac, who smashed them all.

Afterwards, the only sound was Isaac panting. He sat down next to me on the bed and put his head in his hands. I didn't know what to do.

"Do you feel better?" Augustus asked.

"No." Isaac's voice was muffled.

"Where does Monica live?" I asked. "Cuz...I have an idea."

Augustus drove us lurchily to Monica's. He parked down the street and we walked to her driveway. Her green car was the only one there.

"Damn, Hazel Grace." said Augustus. "I didn't think you were evil like this."

We all stood in front of Monica's driveway, a carton of eggs between us. Isaac grabbed one and threw at Monica's car. It smashed on the street. I forgot about Isaac's depth perception.

"Higher." Augustus told him.

Isaac threw the next one and it smashed on the windshield. We all cheered. Augustus and Isaac threw the rest of the eggs at her car. They were laughing and I couldn't help but laugh too. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and snapped a picture. It was the first picture I ever took of him.

Monica's door opened and a woman appeared in the doorway.

"What the hell?" she asked.

"Ma'am.." started Augustus. "Your daughter's car has just been deservingly egged by heart-broken man. Go back inside or I'll be forced to call the police."

Monica's mom went back inside. We all laughed. Suddenly, a man appeared in the doorway. Monica's father. He ran down the porch steps towards us.

"Uh oh." whispered Augustus.

"Run!" whispered Isaac.

We turned and bolted. I should have thought about the consequences. If I had predicted that we would be chases back to Augustus's car, then I would have told him to park closer. My lungs screamed for air. My legs seemed to buckle.

Augustus looked back at me, as I was falling behind. Then he did something I would have never expected. He ran back and scooped me up in his arms. He ran towards the car, carrying me bridal style. I tried to not get caught up in the moment, but I may have rested my head against his chest for a moment.

Isaac threw open the door to the back seat and Augustus tossed me inside. They jumped in the front seats and Augustus sped away. I grabbed my inhaler out of my backpack and took a few puffs.

He slammed on brakes back in his driveway we all sat in silence. The only sound was me trying to get a hold of my breathing.

"I feel a lot better," said Isaac. "Thanks Hazel."

"No problem." I said.

Augustus turned around in his seat and looked at me.

"You okay, Hazel Grace?" he asked.

"Why...do you always take my breath away, Augustus?" I asked.

He laughed and got out of the car.

"I'll go get the rest of your stuff, it's getting late." he said. When he was gone, Isaac spoke up.

"He really likes you." he said. "I can tell."

"We're just friends." I said, my face heating up.

"He hasn't shown this much interest in a girl since Caroline died." Isaac said.

"Yea, but-" I stopped. "...Caroline died?"

He didn't get a chance to answer. Augustus opened up the door to the back seat and handed me the book I left inside. He drove to my house, and I got out.

"Maybe we should slow down the aerobic activity." he said.

"That would be best." I said.

"Until tomorrow, Hazel Grace." said Augustus.

"But tomorrow is saturday." I said.

"I know." he said, giving me a crooked smile.

I walked inside and laid down on my bed. If Caroline died..and Augustus lost his leg in a car wreck? No...I shouldn't assume things like that. She could have died another way, though there's not many ways for a sixteen year old to bite it.

I pulled out my phone and looked at the picture I took of Augustus and Isaac. Augustus was laughing, his arm around Isaac.

"Who are you really, Augustus Waters?" I asked. The picture just smiled at me in response.


	4. The Picnic

I must have fallen asleep, because I woke up at nine that night with my phone ringing. I didn't recognize the number. I answered hesitantly.

"Hello?" I said.

"Hazel Grace!" said Augustus hurriedly. "Please tell me my copy is missing the last few chapters!"

I smiled.

"You finished it?" I asked.

"Yes, oh my god...boy would I like to give that Van Houten a piece of my mind." he said.

"Me too." I said. "I've been trying to contact him for years, but like I said, he's a total recluse."

"But-" he started.

"What?" I asked.

"N-nothing..." he said. "Listen, what're you doing tomorrow?"

"Not a thing." I said.

"Then come with me." he said.

"Where?" I asked.

"...A surprise." he said.

"Okay." I agreed.

"Okay!" he said.

He hung up first. I laid back down. I thought about Augustus and his crooked smile. I thought about how he never lights his cigarettes. Then I thought about my parents. There was this one time when I was in the ICU, when they thought I was gonna die. I was half-sleeping when I heard my mom say something I'll never forget.

"I won't be a mom anymore..." she'd said, crying.

And from then on, I tried to step lightly on the world. I would hurt my parents so bad when I died, and I didn't wanna have to to hurt anyone else like that. I didn't eat meat, to minimize the deaths I was responsible for. I also stayed at bay from romantic relationships. If what Isaac and Kaitlyn said was true, about Augustus liking me, then I had to find a way to break it to him.

The next morning I got dressed and waited for Augustus. My mom and dad came woke up and started making breakfast.

"Hanging out again?" my mom asked.

"Yea." I said.

"Who is this guy?" asked my dad.

"His name is Augustus." I said.

"That's a big one..." my dad said.

The doorbell rang. I went to it and opened it to see Augustus. He was wearing at-shirt that said 'BOOK CLUB'.

"Hey." I greeted.

"Hey." he said.

I could feel my parents watching us. I knew they were getting the wrong idea.

"Let's go." I said.

"Sure." he said.

We went out and I got in the car. I made sure to buckle up.

"So, where are we going?" I asked.

"Guess." he said.

"Give me a hint." I said.

"Somewhere...worldly." he said.

"Oh, are we going to that park or whatever?" I guessed.

"Yes..." he said, somewhat deflated. "We are going to that park or whatever..."

The museum uptown had a park behind it full of art and sculptures. I haven't been since it opened. We got out and Augustus took my hand. It wasn't the grandest of romantic gestures, but it made me feel strange all the same.

We walked until we came to a picnic set up.

"Ta da!" said Augustus as he sat down. I sat next to him.

"Nice..." I said. This felt very datey. It made me feel guilty.

"Augustus...listen," I started.

"Here." he said, handing me a folded piece of paper.

"Um.." I said.

"Before you say anything, open it." he said.

I opened it. It was a flyer for the library. It said there would be a meet-and-great with the author Peter Van Houten next month.

"No way!" I said.

"Yes way!" he said.

"But it's for book club members only..." I said.

"I am in book club!" he said, pointing to his shirt. "Since yesterday."

"Oh yeah..." I said, deflated. "Congrats."

"But, Hazel Grace, you're coming with me!" he said.

"How?" I asked.

"I can bring a plus one." he said. "Ya' see...I knew I saw Van Houten's name somewhere before...and it was on that flyer. I knew we both wanted to meet im so I joined the book club."

I leaned back and placed my hands on the blanket beside me. Excitement burned within me.

"You'd really use your plus one on me?" I asked. He placed his hand on top of mine.

"...For us." he said. "Now we can asked Van Houten what really happens to Anna."

"Yea." I said. I wanted to move my hand, but I didn't.

"Listen, Augustus." I said. "I don't..I mean, I don't know what you think we are...but I'm not really in a place to...date..really." I finished awkwardly.

"I get it." he said, turning to me. "But you keeping your distance from me in no way lessens my affection for you."

I would be so easy to let myself fall for him. I mean, the risk was fading fast. One more year of remission and I'd be considered cancer free. What was I so afraid of? Maybe that it would hurt more to lose a girlfriend than just a friend.

"Isn't that morbid?" he asked me, pointing. Ahead was a sculpture that looked like a pile of bones. Kids were climbing on it and playing.

"It's not real bones." I said. "But..I know what you mean."

I couldn't believe that I was gonna meet Peter Van Houten. I was so excited. I'd been trying to contact him and ask him what happened after the book ended, but I never got a response.

"Thank you, Augustus." I said. "This really means a lot to me."


	5. The Swing

The day after Augustus asked me to be his plus one, I was still feeling pretty excited. It may not seem like a big deal, but it was to me. I remembered how he said, as of friday, he was a book club member. He joined just for me.

Last night I had a dream about him. It was nothing weird or anything. I was swinging in my backyard on my old swing set. August was standing in front of me, shouting as I got higher.

"Jump Hazel Grace, I'll catch you!" he said.

So I let go. There was a brief second before I landed where i felt that same happy feeling that i got when I was around him. It felt great, and then I landed on him and woke up.

It's amazing how well you remember things when you dream. Like, I hadn't sat on a swing set in five years, but I dreamed it perfectly. A lot of people say that dreams have subliminal messages in them. I wonder what my dream meant.

By lunchtime I was convinced that my dream meant I had a crush on Augustus Waters. I remember telling him yesterday I didn't wanna date. That was for the best...right?

"Hey, mom?" I said as I opened up the door to my parents bedroom. My mom was on her computer working.

"Yes?" she asked.

"Can I talk to you?" I asked.

"Sure." she said.

I sat on the bed behind her. I watched her type for a minute.

"What is it?" she asked.

"Am I doing the right thing by not going out with Augustus?" I asked.

"Why? Doesn't he like you? He seems like he does." she said.

"Yea, but I told him I didn't wanna date..." I said.

"Well why? If you like him..." she asked.

"Because of my cancer." I said.

My mom paused and turned in her chair to face me.

"Hazel, your health isn't that bad. I mean, you're in remission...you're in school..." she said.

"But I could still..get worse." I said, avoiding the word die. "I don't wanna hurt him."

"Hazel, what if everyone lived that way?" she asked me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I mean, anyone could die at anytime. They don't let that stop them from living their life." she said.

"I guess I never thought about it that way..." I said, swinging my legs.

I hopped off the bed and turned to look at myself in the mirror above the dresser.

"It's just..." I started.

"Hmm?" my mom asked, turning back to the computer.

"Do you remember that time I was in the ICU..." I said.

"Yes." she said softly.

"I heard you say that if I die...you won't be a mom anymore." I said.

"Hazel, you heard that..." she said. "I didn't mean it...I was just upset.."

"No, it's okay." I said. "It's just..that's why I distance myself I guess."

"I wasn't right to say that." mom said. "If you did die, I'd still be your mom."

"I guess." I said.

"It's true, Hazel." she said. "You can't let the slim possibility of a relapse keep your from having friends."

I left my mom's room and went to the backdoor. I stared out at the swingset. I asked my parents to get rid of it a while ago, but we never actually got around to it. That gave me an idea. I grabbed my phone and called Augustus. He answered on the first ring.

"Hazel Grace." he said happily.

"Doing anything tonight?" I asked.

"Not a thing." he said.

"Yes you are." I said, trying to sound as spontaneous as he does. "You're helping me get rid of my old swingset. It's depressing to look at."

"Okay." he said. "Be there in a few."

"Okay..." I said.

"Okay." he said. He hung up.

I walked out into the backyard and sat on the swing. After a minute, I saw his car jolt into my driveway. I went inside and met him at the front door.

"I must see this depressing swingset." he said.

"Okay." I said, leading him out the backdoor.

"Hm.." he sat on one swing.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"If I'm gonna put this thing on craig's list..then we need a pitch." he said.

I hadn't actually thought about how we were gonna get rid of the swingset. I sat down on the swing next to him.

"Sturdy swingset...needs new home." I ventured.

"Very loving swingset needs very loving home." he said, swinging slightly.

"Vaguely pedophilic swingset seeks the butts of children." I said.

He burst out laughing.

"That's why I like you..." he said.

The sun was setting and it was kinda romantic. I dropped one hand to the space between us, so he'd know it'd be okay for him to hold it. He didn't try. We went inside and posted an ad for the swing.

We got a response an hour later while we were eating dinner.

"Guy says he'll pick it up tomorrow..." Augustus said, reading from the laptop.

"I should go say goodbye to it." I said.

Augustus and I went outside and sat on the swingset. I turned and looked at him. I know some people can have entire conversations with their eyes, but I was having trouble conveying one sentence.

_I was wrong yesterday, I kinda sorta wanna go out with you..._

The thought stuck in my mind as I tried to sort of, send it into his as a psychic message. He pulled his cigarettes out of his pocket and put one in his mouth.

"You shouldn't smoke out here." I said.

"I don't light them." he said.

"Yea, I've noticed." I said. "Why not?"

"Cuz cigarettes can kill you." he said simply.

"Anything can kill you." I said, remembering the conversation with my mom. "But yeah, lung cancer sucks, don't ever light it."

He gave me that crooked smile, and I froze. I said too much. For all he knows, I have asthma. Not cancer. What do I know about cancer?

"It's like a comfort thing." he said. "I put the killing thing in my mouth, but I don't give it that power to kill."

"Oh." I said.

I wondered how Caroline died, and if that's when he started not smoking cigarettes. why else would he think so hard about death?

"I have to go." he said. "I have a presentation at school tomorrow."

"Okay." I said, trying not to sound sad.

"Thanks for having me." he said.

"Thanks for...everything." I said.

He smiled at me. I looked through the fence to the street as his car jolted out of the driveway and down the street. I wondered what he thought of me now? Does he still like me...or did I miss my chance? I swung slightly and watched the sun go down.


End file.
